ASU

 "Oh boy Mommy, look Daddy,

I've been accepted at large,

With a two point oh GPA,

And thighs the size of a barge,

Do you think they liked empty,

Just how pitiful mean,

I look when I roll through garbage,

And can't seem to keep myself clean...

I study nutritions,

I read the back of things blind,

Why go to ECU uncle,

When they'd only leave me behind,

I am loved in Arizona,

They must think I'm a king,

'Cause I just got my acceptance letter,

And just take a look at this thing...

The cooks are all bawling,

The faculty is in tears,

They just can't stand my weight excellence,

And all of my studious fears,

Why not leave from Carolina,

Why indeed wouldn't we all,

When standards of our scholastics,

Are simply aim your best near the stall...

Yale and Harvard just accept this,

When you'll probably reject,

'Cause you won't let anything in,

Unless it's Intel erect,

Arizona is the best,

NYU wouldn't agree,

Because New York let Dr. Quinn study teeth,

With a half ass english degree."

Poetry